I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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