Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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