I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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