It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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