I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize