I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize