Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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