I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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