Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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