I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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