i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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