There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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