it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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