Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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