singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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