i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize