last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're too hungover to prance.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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