11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize