that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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