she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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