Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize