So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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