I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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