Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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