I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize