my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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