Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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