i just had sex bonerless
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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