Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize