I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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