god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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