He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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