he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
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His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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