my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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