Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize