I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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