I want to make a zoo with you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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