Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Me too!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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