I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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