She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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