great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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