69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize