Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize