Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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