it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize