i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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