If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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