I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize