i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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