Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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